If you think the parents are the boss and the kids are the scholars, think again. I used to be one of those people that was all like ‘You’re the parent, just do what needs to be done and control your kid!’ I thought good parenting equals perfect child.

But becoming a parent and having that attitude means you’re in a world of trouble. In fact, becoming a parent means things become unreservedly apparent. Everything you ever thought, every ounce of identity you ever owned (or didn’t own but strongly suspected), every moment you dedicated to The Great Lie that was Before-Kids… all of it gets tossed into a massive blender and WRRRRRRRRRRR – Smoothie Pami is created.

Some day’s delicious.

Some day’s awful.

Basically, it’s inevitable that you’re going to screw up big time, and it’s an impossibility that you screw up at all.

I have witnessed it first hand, so it must be true. I have spent weeks being the most dedicated mother on earth; playdating, home-made-playdouging, book reading, alphabet reciting, nursery rhyme singing, out-doors walk and park-playing (factor 50 and hat bestowing, of course) scheduled nap timing, extreme limited screen timing, learning momenting, engaging, including, life-on-hold-for-this-child-ing – and he turns around and pulls a stunt I never saw coming. (Head banging, stone throwing, tantrum indulging spawn of…you get my drift)

Then, other days, I can say screw it. I give up! And lie face down on the floor for the better part of a morning while he climbs me like a junglegym…and he’ll suddenly bring me a book, open it up, point to a glowing sphere on a page and, completely un-coached and un-provoked, say ‘Moon.’

Mind blown.

So yea. Motherhood is uncharted territory. I’m the student here, not my little love monster. He’s pretty much got his part waxed.